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Chapter Sixteen

 

  Steve Rae usually didn't have problems sleeping. Okay, it was a terrible clich?, but during the daytime she slept like she was, well, dead. But not that day. That day she hadn't been able to shut off her mind--or, maybe it was more truthful to say she hadn't been able to shut off her guilty mind. What was she going to do about Rephaim? She should tell Zoey--that's what she should do. Absolutely no doubt about it. Sure, and then Z would freak out like a long-tailed cat in a room filled with rockin' chairs, she muttered to herself, and continued to pace back and forth in front of the entrance to the root cellar's tunnel. Stevie Rae was alone, but she kept throwing furtive glances around her like she expected to be snuck up on. And so what if someone came down here looking for her? She wasn't doing anything wrong! She just couldn't sleep, that's all. At least she wished that was all.

  Stevie Rae stopped pacing and stared into the calming darkness of the tunnel she'd cut through the raw earth not long before. What the hell was she going to do about Rephaim? She couldn't tell Zoey about him. Zoey wouldn't understand. No one would. Heck, Stevie Rae didn't even really understand herself! She just knew that she couldn't turn him in--couldn't betray him to everyone else. But when she wasn't around him, when Stevie Rae couldn't hear his voice and see the too-human pain in his eyes, she was mostly on the verge of panic and worried that hiding the Raven Mocker only proved that she was losing every bit of her good sense. He's your enemy! The thought kept circling around in her mind, flapping and spiraling out of control like an injured bird. No, right now he's not my enemy. Right now he's just hurt. Stevie Rae spoke into the tunnel, to the earth that grounded her and strengthened her.

  Stevie Rae's eyes widened as a thought struck her. It was the fact that he was hurt that had caused this mess! If he'd been whole and attacking her, or any of the others, she wouldn't have hesitated to protect herself or anyone else. So, what if I just get him someplace he can heal? Yes! That was the answer! She didn't have to protect him. She just didn't want to hand him over to be slaughtered. If she got him to safety, someplace where he wouldn't be bothered, Rephaim could get well and then he could choose his own future. She had! Maybe he would choose to join the good guys against Kalona and Neferet. Maybe he wouldn't. Whichever, it wouldn't be her concern. But where could he go? And then, staring into the tunnel, she realized the perfect answer. It would mean that she'd have to admit some of her secrets, and in doing so she wondered if Zoey could possibly understand why Stevie Rae had kept things from her. She has to understand. She's had to make some pretty unpopular choices, too. And anyway, Stevie Rae had the sneaking suspicion Zoey wouldn't be all that surprised by what she had to tell her; she'd probably been on to her for a while now. So she'd tell Z about the stuff, which would, at the very least, ensure that where she sent Rephaim wouldn't turn into fledgling Grand Central anytime soon.

  He wouldn't exactly be all alone and totally safe, but he would be out of her hair and no longer her responsibility--or her liability. Feeling excited and more than a little giddy that she'd figured out a solution to her massively terrible problem, Stevie Rae centered herself and checked her ever-accurate internal clock. She had just over an hour until sunset. On a normal day she could never get away with what she was planning, but today she could feel the weakness of the sun as it tried, but failed, to shine through the thick layer of gray clouds, heavy with the ice that seemed to have settled permanently over Tulsa. She was pretty sure she wouldn't burn up if she stepped outside. She was also pretty sure that there wouldn't be any nosy nuns poking around with ice still pelting down and everything outside the abbey being frozen and slick. Same went for the regular fledglings. The red fledglings were the least of her problems, at least from dawn till dusk. They were all still tucked in their cots in the basement. Of course everyone would be getting up in the next hour and, if she knew Z, and she did, they'd be having a big powwow about their next move, which meant Zoey would expect her to be present. Stevie Rae picked at her fingernails nervously. It was during the big what are we going to do now? meeting that she'd have to clue Zoey, and everyone else, in to her secrets. Man, she was so not looking forward to that meeting. To add to the not-looking-forward-to-it part, there was also the fact that Aphrodite had had another vision.

  Stevie Rae didn't know what she'd seen, but through their Imprint she'd sensed the turmoil that the vision had caused Aphrodite, turmoil that had risen and then faded, which probably meant Aphrodite was currently sound asleep. That was a good thing 'cause she didn't want her psychically being aware enough to get any clue as to what Stevie Rae was up to. She could only hope Aphrodite didn't already know too much. So it's now or never. Time to cowboy up, Stevie Rae whispered to herself. Not giving herself a chance to chicken out, she went quickly and quietly up the stairs from the root cellar and into the basement proper of the abbey. Sure enough, all the red fledglings were still crashed and totally out. Dallas's distinct snoring drifted through the dark room, almost making her smile. She went to her empty cot and pulled the blanket off it. Then retraced her steps down to the cellar and moved with preternatural confidence in the unrelieved darkness to the mouth of the tunnel. With no hesitation she stepped into it, loving the scent and the feel of being surrounded by the earth. Even though she knew what she was about to do might become the biggest mistake in her life, the earth was still able to touch her and calm her, soothing her frazzled nerves like the familiar embrace of a parent. Stevie Rae followed the tunnel a short way to the first gentle curve. There she stopped and put the blanket down. She took three deep breaths, centering herself.

  When she spoke, her voice was little above a whisper, but it carried such power with it that the air around her literally shivered like heat waves off a blacktop road in the summer. Earth, you are mine, just like I am yours. I call you to me. The tunnel around Stevie Rae was instantly filled with the scents of a hayfield, and the sound of wind soughing through trees. She could feel grass that wasn't there beneath her feet. And that wasn't all Stevie Rae could feel. She felt the earth all around her, and it was that sense of her element--an acknowledgment of earth as an ensouled, sentient entity, that Stevie Rae tapped into.

  She raised her arms and pointed her fingers at the low, dirt ceiling of the tunnel. I need you to open for me. Please. The ceiling trembled and dirt showered down, slowly at first, and then, with a sound like an old woman sighing, the earth split open above Stevie Rae. Instinct had her jumping back into the protective shadows of the tunnel, but she'd been right about the sun; it was definitely nowhere to be seen or felt. Was it raining? No, she decided as she peered up at the dismal sky and a few drops found her face, it wasn't raining; it was sleeting, and pretty hard at that, which was all the better for what she had to do. Stevie Rae wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and began the short climb up the collapsed side of the tunnel to the world above. She emerged not far from Mary's Grotto, between it and the trees that lined the western edge of the abbey grounds. It was dark enough that it seemed that the sun had already set, but still Stevie Rae squinted uncomfortably, not liking how vulnerable daylight made her feel, even if that light was so well filtered it was practically nonexistent. She shook off the unease and got her bearings quickly, sighting the shed where she'd left Rephaim a little way off to her left. Putting her head down against the stinging pellets of frozen rain, she jogged to the shed. Just like the night before, as she touched the latch she couldn't help but think Please let him be dead . . . It'd be easier if he was dead . . . The shed was warmer than she'd imagined, and it smelled strange. Along with the scents of the lawn mower and other oiled and gassed yard equipment, as well as the various pesticides and fertilizers stored on the shed's shelves, there was something else. Something that made her skin crawl. She'd just made her way around the lawn-implement obstacle course and was moving slowly to the back of the shed when Stevie Rae realized what the scent reminded her of, and that realization made her steps falter and then stop completely.

  The shed,
perfumed by Rephaim and his blood, smelled like the darkness that had surrounded her after she had un-died and her humanity had been almost totally destroyed. It reminded her of that black time and those days and nights that had been filled with nothing but anger and need, violence and fear. She stifled a little gasp of realization as she made the rest of the scent connection. The red fledglings, those other red fledglings--the ones she was so reluctant to reveal to Zoey--had this same scent about them. It wasn't a perfect match, and she doubted whether a nose less keen than hers could even draw the connection, but she could. She did. And the connection made her own blood cold with foreboding. Again you come to me alone, Rephaim said.